The name of the game is hustle- and in an attempt to do just that- I’ve been submitting writing packages to everyone and their pint-sized-side kick. This week, that means Chelsea Lately (who I love)-
Check out my spec monologue:
If you’re over the age of 10, like me (shocking, I know), nothing will make you feel older than the breakout success of Willow Smith.
She’s not even a tween yet and they’re already calling her the new Rihanna. Which must make the old Rihanna feel like a washed up bag of dinosaur bones. But we all know she can take a good blow…to her ego.
(I checked, it’s not too soon.)
No reason to panic though, Rhi-Rhi. Willow’s just dabbling in your fan base. What’s her true passion?
CUT TO: Ellen Degeneres Clip
Ellen: Did you know right away you wanted to sing?
Willow: I love acting. Like it’s really- it fulfills my career. Singing is just so awesome. That’s something that I do that’s pleasurous.
‘That’s right, selling millions of records is just something I do for fun. Did you think I was taking this seriously? You’re adorable, Ellen. Are we done here? I have an appointment at the White House. Have a pleasurous day…’
I worry for Willow though. When I was 10 I was doing 10 year old girl things like playing hop scotch, filling juice boxes with vodka, squirting ketchup onto tampons and throwing them at my teachers. You know, well-adjusted-kid things.
Everybody knows that child stars end up being adult crackheads. Frankly, I’m appalled that Will Smith still went ahead and Welcome-to-Miamied his daughter.
Or maybe I’m just jealous. I mean I really tried to turn my lil baby into a pop icon…
CUT TO: Clip of Chuy dancing in his homemade music video. Mock “Whip My Hair” beats in the background…
Chuy: I throw my hair all around, I throw my hair all around…
I knew we should’ve recorded that before puberty hit…